


He's Gone

by PerahuKertas



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, M/M, References to Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 12:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16085816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerahuKertas/pseuds/PerahuKertas
Summary: "You said that you were like a broken glass, it couldn't be repaired anymore."Jaemin's finger reached for a piece of glass on the tray table, then shifted it away from the other pieces."We really can't restore you as before - like this broken glass - but at least we can store every piece of you. "Jaemin is a kind doctor who accompany his deeply sick patient, even if it means countdown to death.





	He's Gone

_"You were the last good thing about this part of town"_

_._

_._

_._

**_Fall Out Boy – Grand Theft Autumn_ **

****

****

_He dreamed of falling from the window of a building, through floating clouds, sinking into the blue sky. He looked up, saw reverse skyscrapers on it. He fell._

_Fall into the sky._

_I fell into the sky and saw heaven. Will you fall too?_

_He stared at the shiny ring on his finger slowly, then held it in his sleep, nights to death._

****

**_…._ **

****

.

This morning Jaemin had no taste for morning coffee. He just let the cup of coffee lie on the table, while he walked down the hospital corridor. A clipboard in hand - containing important documents from the patient assigned to him today - and a black ribbon in the uniform of the arm. He had intended to wear black clothes today, but he didn't want to risk dealing with Doctor Johnny. He will not care whether Jaemin is grieving or not. Regulatory regulations. So Jaemin took off his black shirt and still wore a light blue nurse uniform.

 

 

When entering the inpatient ward, almost Jaemin stepped into the room number 07 before remembering that the room was empty. The occupants passed away three days ago, the reason why Jaemin was wearing a black ribbon today. Jaemin has been caring for him for more than a year, it is natural that the reflex to enter the room is still difficult to lose.

 

 

Jaemin stared at the door number plate with fury. His hand reached for the doorknob, then opened it wide.

 

 

But again, what did he expect?

 

 

The nurse took a breath. Of course there will be nothing there. He stepped back, then closed the door.

 

.

000

 

Huang Renjun will be his first experience.

 

Jaemin has never handled patients with this disease before, that night Jaemin was assigned to be the main nurse for Renjun - which meant that the young man was just waiting for his time. Jaemin is one of the few nurses at this hospital who specializes in palliative care. Patients assigned to him are patients with difficult or incurable diseases. Renjun was very young, a few years under Jaemin, and based on the medical records he had read, he had suffered from a degenerative disease a few months ago. The pattern of the disease is different for each sufferer. Today maybe Renjun can still walk, but no one knows what tomorrow will be like. Jaemin first met Renjun while presenting the results of his laboratory test results for Doctor Johnny. At that time, Jaemin did not know that Renjun would be the patient he accompanied. He can only glance at Renjun with the edges of his eyes. The young man lay weak, turned his back on Jaemin and Doctor Johnny and his back trembled. Maybe holding back pain, maybe holding back tears. His mother sat on the right side, gently rubbing his son's head. Jaemin knew, the burden of death was already stuck on his back.

 

God knows how long Jaemin will accompany him, maybe months? Hurts to know that, but it something Jaemin has to use to from now on.

 

 

They sat facing each other, but Renjun sat weakly on his bed. Jaemin looked at the young man before him with real interest. What a handsome young man — or rather beautiful, maybe? His hair is smooth, his skin is as white as snow (And of course, because he’s pale too) and his lips are red as a rose. Jaemin looked at the dark eyes, thinking he would find millions of stars dancing there, but none of them found.

 

What he found were dead stars floating in his eyes.

 

Jaemin draped hair on his ear and started the conversation with his brightest smile: "You look great today."

 

But the boy remained silent, his swallowed audibly, look down at the small fist that he clenched on his blanket. Jaemin just sighed but smiled nonetheless.

 

000

 

 

Three days together, Renjun said nothing. His mouth is tightly locked. Only open when eating or taking medicine. Even though Jaemin greeted cheerfully, made many topics to discuss, Renjun still didn't want to speak up.

 

 

“Good morning, Renjun," said Jaemin warmly, the routine thing he did every eight o'clock in the morning. The greeting continued to do even though Renjun did not answer. The young man just glanced at him before turning his gaze back to the room window.

 

 

Jaemin followed Renjun's direction. The window displays views in a crowded hospital park. Usually, early this morning many patients walk in the hospital park to find fresh air. It just that it’s too sunny today unlike the past three days.

 

 

"After breakfast you want to go for a walk?" Jaemin bargained. "While it's not raining."

 

 

Renjun turned.

 

 

“You must have been bored right away, three days in the room?"

 

 

Renjun nodded, slowly. Almost invisible. Jaemin smiled.

 

 

"Spend the meal first, I'll bring Renjun to the park."

 

 

Renjun can still eat alone even with a spoon and fork. It's been unable to him to hold chopsticks since yesterday. His fist slightly trembled every time he tried to bribe food from the bowl. Jaemin tried to resist the urge to take over Renjun's spoon and feed him. Doctor Johnny said, while he could still do something himself, it should be left alone. As long as Renjun does something himself without help, Jaemin must wait patiently.  _Let him have control of his own body before it disappears_  .

 

 

When Jaemin pushed Renjun's wheelchair toward the park, the sky was cloudy. This does not prevent some children from playing ball throwing. In Jaemin's heart wondered: would Renjun feel sad if he saw them playing the ball happily like that? Avoiding this possibility, Jaemin planned to change his route to another part of the park which was quieter. Just now Jaemin deflected Renjun's wheelchair, a hoarse voice that Jaemin had never heard before.

 

 

"Where are you going? Stay here, please."

 

 

Jaemin automatically stopped the movement.

 

 

"It's too crowded here," explained Jaemin. "I thought, Renjun would prefer to be in a quiet place?"

 

 

"It is okay. Don't move. " Renjun turned. This is their first time talking face to face. "Just here," Renjun repeated, with emphasis.

 

 

Jaemin smiled. "Okay, okay. We're here. "

 

 

The nurse crouched, right next to Renjun. Renjun observed children's ball throwing activities with a gaze. Maybe, Jaemin guessed, Renjun was remembering the times when his body was still his; not like now. The times when Renjun can move freely, there is no need for help from a companion or wheelchair. Renjun must have missed those days and hoped to be back.

 

 

It's just that life is cruel.

 

 

A child fails to catch the ball so the ball rolls towards Jaemin. Jaemin helped stop the movement of the ball by catching it when the distance was quite close.

 

 

"Hyung!" Exclaimed the child who just failed to catch the ball. His hands waved. "Throw the ball again at me, hyung!"

 

 

Jaemin weighed the ball in his hand. Then, hand it to Renjun. Renjun looked at Jaemin questioningly.

 

 

"Give it back, bro. I ask for help.”

 

 

Renjun's eyebrows rose. "Why should I?"

 

 

"Ouch, it’s just---" Jaemin massaged his shoulders slowly, while putting on a grimy expression that was too artificial. "My shoulder, it hurts all of a sudden. Surely the throw isn't okay... "

 

 

Renjun snorted softly, but he also received the ball to throw. The pitch isn't right on target. The child must keep running to get the ball. But it seems that the child doesn't mind. After taking the ball, he smiled as he waved his hand to Renjun, then shouted, "Thank you, brother!"

 

 

The action also made Renjun smile and wave his hand. Jaemin’s hands on his hips. Satisfied.

 

000

 

“If Renjun gets thinner, the first who will aware is me, you know," Jaemin said while chewing his fortune cookies. "Because of what? I carry you every day. So I bring this, so you eat a lot and don't get thinner!"

 

 

Renjun stared at his nurse with hesitation.

 

 

“You can eat that by yourself, I’m not really a fan of fortune cookie.”

 

 

Hearing this, Jaemin let out a melodious laugh. “Not this silly, but the chicken.”

 

 

This night Jaemin suddenly came knocking on the door with a mysterious package in his hand - which turned out to be two boxes of chicken. One fried chicken with garlic sauce, the other one spicy. Renjun's favorite. Complete with soda (for Jaemin) and orange juice (for Renjun). Dare to bet, if they get caught Doctor Johnny, Jaemin's ass must have been kicked.

 

 

"But if I'm getting heavier, hyung will be troubled?" Renjun muttered doubtfully.

 

 

"Well, it's okay, please. Even good. It’s all sports. "Jaemin swallowed fried chicken in his mouth.

 

 

"Who knows, because of the frequency of carrying you, my muscles becomes more formed and my body gets better."

 

 

Renjun giggled. "Ah, you’re really something…"

 

 

"How about it, it's okay, you know. Anyway Renjun doesn't need to worry about me, just calm down. ” Jaemin pointed at the box that was still full of fried chicken.  “Let's eat. This is Doctor Jaehyun's favorite fried chicken. It’s the best in this town."

 

 

After a few seconds of hesitation, Renjun's hand finally stretches out to take the plastic gloves. He wears the plastic gloves before taking a piece of chicken thigh with garlic sauce. It's very tasty. 

 

.

"Good, huh?" Asked Jaemin who realized the appearance of a flash of excitement in Renjun's eyes. Renjun nodded enthusiastically.

 

 

"The fried chicken stall near my house can't make fried chicken as good as this," Renjun muttered honestly.

 

 

"Whenever we buy these again. Renjun must try the soy sauce ones. Their soy sauce fried chicken is very popular. They were already running out because I was late. "

 

 

Renjun stopped chewing his chicken to say, "Yeah, if I'm still alive tomorrow. And the next day. "

 

 

"If I'm still alive too, of course." Jaemin finished his meal. He pulled his hand out of the plastic glove. "In the end of our lives, who knows?"

Jaemin's sentence just made Renjun squeak. Indeed, the nurse's words are true, but the truth is often bitter. Just now Renjun decide to drop off the topic to bite his fried chicken to forget the bitterness of Jaemin's previous comments, then the edges of his eyes caught something.

 

 

“Look what I found inside the fortune cookie…” Jaemin shows the piece of paper to the boy

 

 

_Those with smiles, lives within happiness_

 

 

"Come here for a while." Renjun broke the silence while removing the gloves. Jaemin looked at him confused before finally advancing towards Renjun. Renjun's hand then stretched out, his knuckles rubbed the bottom of Jaemin's lips.

 

 

Jaemin blinked.

 

 

"There are remnants of sauce." Renjun explained casually.

 

 

A smile formed on Jaemin's face. His hand stroked Renjun's hair, which was still soft as ever. "Thank you." And Renjun again twitched his lips. His cheeks flushed.

 

 

000

 

.

The rain that fell on the other day made Jaemin and Renjun unable to go outside. Renjun refused to return to the room, so Jaemin took him around the hospital. He showed the facilities in the hospital to Renjun, occasionally greeting nurses and doctors who passed them.

 

 

Both of them passed in front of a new vending machine that was installed yesterday. There are several choices of hot drinks sold. Some are in the form of canned or box packaging, some must be taken through a dispenser. Jaemin had never tried drinks from this vending machine. Of course Renjun has never been too.

 

 

"Want to drink?" Jaemin asked. There happened to be a few coins in his pocket. "These rains are best weather to drink warm drinks."

 

 

"Yeah…" Renjun replied. "I want a warm  _green tea latte_  ..."

 

 

Jaemin stopped Renjun’s wheelchair right next to the vending machine. He took a few coins from his pocket to pay for one glass of  _green tea latte._  When taking a paper cup to accommodate the flow of  _green tea latte_  from the dispenser, suddenly the paper cup just escaped from Jaemin's hand. Fall, then roll slowly away from his leg.

 

 

"Hey, what happened?" Renjun asked, laughing softly. "Don't be zoned out, fortunately the cup is still empty!"

 

"Haha, well, if it's already there, it’ll be such a waste." Jaemin scratched the back of his head while laughing like Renjun. Jaemin had thrown the paper cup that had fallen before and it was replaced by a new and clean paper cup.

.

 

 

000

 

 

 

_Your life may not be long._

_The sentence is a death sentence. Cold watered his body until he trembled in the chair, both hands on the knees clenched tightly, ready to hold anything that might explode from the inside. But nothing came out, the sobs had frozen with the body and heart. Renjun’s dark orbs slowly descended downward, staring at the neurologist's glossy blue panther over a lamp, avoiding the sympathy that flew in silence. The room's light was now too bright and contrasted with the darkness floating in the air._

_A CT scan line on the doctor's desk displays the same image; a brain that is damaged, rusty, contaminated, and will one day die._

_Inside him, time begins to count down._

_Huang Renjun had a mother, an older brother, a younger brother, and the three did not know the cancer that was entrenched in the middle of the child's head. Renjun was deliberately not telling, just went to the doctor with his own savings. Luckily for him, they’re all too busy to notice his sickness_

_Life goes as usual, with that disease or not; he still go to school, keeps attending on some events, keeps working on his now vague dreams, still bears everything alone._

_Only the drops of blood in the cough that faithfully remind me, I’m here, living in your brain, I’m here_

_In_

_Here-_

_Looking at the water-filled reddish sink, he could no longer see the future. The only ones in his grasp were the days now, grained like sand, sliding down from between his fingers. His hourglass has broken._

 

 

000

 

 

Jaemin's age was still quite young. His experience is still not much. Renjun was his first patient who suffered from degenerative diseases at a very young age. Jaemin’s previous patients consist of elderly patients or patients with non-degenerative organ damage.

 

 

Therefore, it took a long time for Jaemin to be able to adapt to Renjun's changing conditions every day. It feels like watching a child grow up - it's just backwards. Jaemin felt empty every time there was one thing that Renjun couldn't do. Last month Renjun was still able to throw the ball or put on his own gloves. Two weeks ago Renjun was still able to walk, even though he had to hold on to the wall. Last week Renjun was still able to speak smoothly without an incident of tongue being accidentally bitten. Yesterday Renjun could still hold a spoon.

 

 

Today, he can’t.

 

 

Many times the aluminum spoon escaped from Renjun's hand and landed on the floor. Jaemin took the spoon back, cleaned it with a tissue, and returned it to Renjun. But it just keep repeating. The rice in front of him started to cool, but Renjun hadn't been able to eat anything like that. His hand grip is difficult to control. Though this is only a spoon. Not chopsticks that are harder to use. It's just a spoon, it's just breakfast, but Renjun can't do it alone.

 

 

After a while considering, Jaemin finally opened his mouth. "Let me do it?"

 

 

Jaemin didn't get a clear answer because Renjun cried in frustration. He could not hold back his tears anymore. The young man cried a hunch. There was nothing Jaemin could do other than stroking Renjun's back in a circular motion.  Jaemin wants to say that everything will be fine, but this is definitely not something that can be said to be fine. Along with the seconds running, Renjun's body slowly became his own. Of course this is not the same as fine.

 

 

“Just let me do it okay?" Jaemin muttered softly. The softness is not answered with the same thing. With the remaining strength, Renjun pushed the tray of food in front of him until it fell to the floor. Jaemin gasped to the point that his hand movements froze.

 

 

"Very funny." Renjun whispered under his breath. "How come I can push a tray like that but can’t even hold a spoon."

 

 

The room was quiet for a moment. Jaemin watched the tray table lying on the floor, scattered cutlery, rice scattered with pieces of side dishes and vegetables. Glass filled with water broke into pieces - even though Jaemin had repeatedly told the kitchen to stop using utensil from glass.

 

 

"I’ll take the new one first." Actually, there were a lot of things Jaemin wanted to say to Renjun, but he chose to postpone it first. When you're emotional like this, Renjun can't think clearly. It is possible that the words he will express will cloud the atmosphere - and Jaemin doesn't want that to happen.

Hearing Jaemin's comments, Renjun pulled his knees closer to his chest and hide his face on both knees. "No need."

 

"You need to eat."

 

"No need, I will die soon," Renjun said softly. "I won't be able to do anything more in a moment. No need to ... eat ... drink ... take a walk. "

 

 

Such words are not new to Jaemin. Almost all of his patients have expressed the same thing during their treatment. Yes, Jaemin knows, everyone must die. But these people, patients who have received a verdict, respond to this with different things. Most think like Renjun - why are they treated like this again, why are they doing things that are usually done to maintain life if they will die soon?

 

 

Renjun might live up to that thought more than Jaemin thought. One day he will arrive at the stage where he lives but feels like dead. His limbs are no longer his own. There is nothing he can do but be imprisoned in bed and depend on the help of medical devices and the people around him. He lives as a fragment. It's no longer his whole self.

 

 

"Even so, you still have time left, Renjunie." Jaemin breathed softly after thinking through what he had to say. "Wouldn't it be satisfying if you spent the rest of the time happily? Can eat your favorite food, can meet people who means a lot to you ..."

 

 

"Maybe someone else will think so. I don't. ”Jaemin realized that Renjun's tongue was bit bitten when the young man tried to express the sentence."If ... if I still breathe and realize when I can't do anything else, that thing ... it won't make me happy at all. I'd better die soon. "

 

 

Both were silent.

 

 

"... Why are you still taking care of me?" Renjun muttered again. "I broke. Like the glass. It's no use. It can't be repaired anymore. "

 

 

Jaemin turned his attention to the pieces of glass scattered on the floor. Without thinking, Jaemin sorted out the pieces that were still quite large. He took the tray on the table, put it back in front of Renjun, then placed the pieces on the table surface. After doing everything, Jaemin's hand moved to the back of Renjun's head, stroking it slowly.

 

 

"Look here for a while," pleaded Jaemin. At first Renjun didn't lift his head, and instead drowned his face deeper, but after Jaemin nudges his arm he finally obeyed. Renjun looked up, looked at Jaemin. His eyes were red and wet.

 

 

"Anyway, look at what's on the table."

 

 

"... Broken glass." Renjun answered casually.

 

 

"No, that's you."

 

 

"What?"

 

 

"Did you say that you were like a broken glass?" Jaemin asked back, adding to Renjun's confusion. "You said that you were like a broken glass, it couldn't be repaired anymore."

 

 

Jaemin's finger reached for a piece of glass on the tray, then shifted it away from the other pieces.

 

 

"This is for your mom."

 

 

Renjun gets more confused. Jaemin shifted the other glass pieces.

 

 

"This is for your daddy. This is ... for your brother. "

 

 

There were two more pieces left that Jaemin had not shifted. His index finger moved, shifting one of them.

 

 

"This is for your friends."

 

 

The last piece was taken by Jaemin.

 

 

"This one, for me."

 

 

"What do you mean?" Renjun could not stand to be confused with what Jaemin had just done.

 

 

"If you feel like it's broken like this, I believe that people around you still want to keep pieces of yourself - so they feel that you're still with them. _Oh, Huang Renjun is still here, Huang Renjun is still with us_  ... but to save your pieces, we need to collect them first. Slowly. We have to spend time with you, make good memories, be happy together ... so that later you can really be with us. "

 

 

Renjun pauses. The philosophical words full of analogy are not his style, but somehow the sentence of Jaemin makes his heart appear to be cut.

"We take care of you here because we care. Okay, we really can't restore you as before - like this broken glass - but at least we can store every piece of you."

 

 

There is no answer from Renjun.

 

 

"My explanation is too poetic?"

 

 

"A little," Renjun answered softly. "You should be a poet."

 

 

"Everyone says that." Jaemin smiled. "But Renjun knows what I mean? I say it sincerely, you know. Not made up even though my explanation was just blossoming once. It’s in our family’s blood.”

 

 

Renjun nodded. Shortly thereafter, the sound of cones appeared from the stomach that had not been filled. Jaemin giggled softly while Renjun hid his face under the pillow. Shame. Without needing to see, Jaemin knew that Renjun's face would now be decorated with a sullen strand and full of red hues on the cheeks. Renjun is always so shy.

 

 

"Yes, fine."

 

 

That morning Renjun ate heartily. Because he was fed by Jaemin. Also, the food tastes a little better.

 

 

(For the last one, please don't tell anyone. It's only Renjun and God who knows.)

 

 

000

 

 

 

Renjun knows that he is a person who is a heavy sleeper. Many things happened when he was sleeping, including big things. Last night, before Renjun slept, Jaemin's hands were still glace (yes, Renjun noticed such details). This morning, when the nurse fed him rice and fish, there was a beautiful ring that adorned Jaemin's hand. The shape is simple, not so flashy. Renjun glanced at Jaemin's face. Just the feeling or does it look like Jaemin's face looks brighter?

 

 

"... When?" Renjun struggled to say the word.

 

 

"When?" Jaemin asked.

 

 

Renjun's hand lifted, his trembling index finger pointed at the Jaemin ring. "You use the ring ..."

 

 

"O-oooh." Jaemin smiled. "Wow, I became embarrassed when told to tell. It’s something I want to tell you. "

 

 

Renjun looked at Jaemin deeply. It's a bit strange because he just found out Jaemin has a lover- even if you think about it, it's impossible for Jaemin to have a lover. Come on, he's tall, handsome, has a good career. He is professional, but not the type of person who has an outrageous commitment to his work so he doesn't have time to think about love affairs (the best example for this type of person is Doctor Johnny, by the way).

 

 

"... Want to marry?"

 

 

Jaemin choked.

 

 

“No, it’s not anything like that.”

 

 

Jaemin put the spoon down for a while, and take out another similar ring from his shirt pocket. He carefully held on Renjun’s small hand before slides the ring on his finger too.

 

 

“Now we have couple rings.”

 

 

Renjun can only make a laugh that sounds like a sob. Ring like that, even though it's simple, it's not a ring that is just an ordinary accessory. This way, Renjun also knows about that.

 

 

“What’s this for?”

 

 

Jaemin scratched his head awkwardly. "Bro, technically it's like this, my then college friends are married and I saw this really beautiful ring they wore, there was a strong urge to buy these for us.” he chuckled.

 

 

Renjun pauses again. Ah, marriage.

 

 

"Thank you."

 

 

"You’re welcome, Renjun. Well, let's eat again. Aaa... "

 

 

Renjun's throat was very painful when swallowing. Somehow. He glanced at Jaemin. The nurse looked happy.

 

 

Renjun should also be happy - but can't.

 

 

“Did you just implying that these are wedding rings?”

 

                                                                                                 

"Exactly," Jaemin said. "Ohhh, seriously Renjunie, I was embarrassed to talk about this problem. Let's finish eating first, huh! Aaaa! "

 

 

But Renjun didn't listen to Jaemin. Chewing, he again raised the topic. "You surely... happy?"                                                                                                                                      

 

 

"Hm?"

 

 

"Married ... with someone you ... loved dearly. Surely ... happy. "

 

 

"Yes, it can be like that ..." Jaemin nodded. "But the reality is that happiness must be paid with something big. Marriage... for me, yes, the happiness that is cultivated? "

 

 

Jaemin fed Renjun again before Renjun replied.

 

 

"In your opinion ... if ... I ... how? Is ... I ... will be happy ... if ... get married? "

 

 

"Depends. If Renjun can work for happiness with your partner, of course you can. But now it's the twentieth century, you know. There are still many sources of happiness other than getting married. Renjun must also have other things that can make you happy, right?”

 

 

Renjun nodded, slowly.

 

 

"By the way, I'm curious, why did Renjun suddenly ask questions like this - wait, this is the last bite, spend it first and then talk, huh. Ah, good! Okay, I repeated my question again. Why suddenly talk like that? Do you want anyone to ask you to marry, huh?”

 

 

Renjun shook his head. "Not at all."

 

 

"So?"

 

 

"Someone ... like me ... how can I get married?" Renjun said bitterly. "Just talk ... it's hard ... the only person ... I want ... to ... accompany me for life ... can't ... marry me ..."

 

 

"... Why can’t?"

 

 

Jaemin might have wrongly asked, because Renjun smiled bitterly while answering.

 

 

"... Forget it."

 

 

000

 

 

.

Jaemin remembers, before Renjun really lost his ability to speak, he once asked:  _I'm curious, what are some things that would make Renjun happy?_

 

The question is expressed not without reason. Seeing developments - actually more precisely reducing conditions - Renjun, Jaemin wants to always give the best. He wants Renjun to be happy even though his condition is already that bad. He did not know whether the things he had done so far, such as giving small surprises in the form of fried chicken at night, telling the dad jokes (Renjun always said it was not funny but he could never hold back his laughter),

 

 

And accompanied Renjun as professional as he can and enough to made Renjun happy. Renjun is not the type of person who is transparent. It cannot be read only by looking at the expression or the movements. Therefore, Jaemin felt the need to make sure - was the thing he was doing enough? Is there more he can do to make Renjun happy?

 

 

Unfortunately, Jaemin could never get the answer. Renjun's speech ability is lost. He refused to use the alphabet board to convey what he was thinking. The days of Jaemin and Renjun were filled with silence. Renjun only obeys what Jaemin said.  _Renjunie, let's eat._  Renjun obeyed and ate.  _Renjunie, let's take a walk._  Renjun obeyed and just sat quietly, surrendering their full route to Jaemin. He cannot express what he wants. He can't say that he wants to spend time in the room, not walk to the park.

 

 

The situation then worsened in a short span of time. Changes those are too extreme to the point that Jaemin is difficult to accept. His body froze when one morning he found Renjun who was not awake, falling into a deep sleep. That day Renjun was transferred to an intensive care room. The results of the examination show that he is fine - in a sense, if for example Renjun does not have the disease, he can be categorized as a healthy person - only his consciousness is gone. Jaemin did not hear well when Doctor Johnny explained the possibilities of why Renjun was unconscious. The focus shifted, from Renjun's sleeping face, then to Renjun's worried face, then returned to Renjun, and so on for a while.

 

 

Jaemin's days grew even more silent. Although beforehand he also felt how it felt when Renjun did not answer every word, at least Renjun still opened his eyes. At least Renjun can still respond with subtle gestures or gestures. Unlike now.

 

 

"Talk to him, don't just shut up. Later you will go crazy," commented Doctor Johnny seeing Jaemin who just sat in his chair, at one hour of the night. "You know he can still hear. At least make him feel not alone. "

 

 

"I know, really." Jaemin snorted. "I did it."

 

 

Doctor Johnny sighed.

 

 

"He is the patient who has been the longest, so far?"

 

 

"That's how it is," replied Jaemin modestly.

 

 

"Don't whisper in the ear," advised Doctor Johnny. "He will be able to hear well if you talk while pressing your lips on his forehead."

 

 

Jaemin looked at Doctor Johnny full of doubt. "It is true?"

 

 

"I don't know." Doctor Johnny shrugged. "But if you decide to believe, please try."

 

 

Jaemin waited until Doctor Johnny left the room, just tried to do the thing he had just suggested. It sounds weird, but it doesn't hurt to try new things, right? Jaemin believes Renjun must have heard it, both when whispering in the ear and with this new method. Slowly, one hand Jaemin embraced Renjun's head. His other hand slid to hold Renjun's hand. His body is leaning. His lips were pressed against Renjun's forehead. Not the best position to speak, of course. But Jaemin tried it anyway.

 

 

"Hey, champ," Jaemin muttered softly. The intonation is not clear; just bright. "How are you?"

Jaemin held Renjun's hand tightly.

 

"I'm lonely, there's no one I can talk to."

 

He sighed.

 

"Wake up quickly, huh? If you wake up later, I'll buy fried chicken. Want it?"

 

Jaemin hoped that there would be small movements that responded to his words, but nothing. He could only rub Renjun's head with resignation. Renjun looks like he is asleep. It's just too deep and deep.

 

000

 

Then, Renjun didn't wake up again. After announcing his death, Doctor Johnny himself tidied up the medical devices used by Renjun, assisted by several other nurses. Renjun's mother held Jaemin's hand, her head lowered to hold back tears. In fact, like his mother, Jaemin was also trying to keep his tears from falling.

 

"Please forgive Renjun ..."

 

"I am also sorry," said Jaemin softly. "Maybe all this time, my behavior is unacceptable ... either to Renjun, or to your family."

 

Renjun's mother shook her head hard. "We really thank you nurse Na..."

 

The mother's shoulders trembled. Jaemin held back Renjun's mother's hand to calm her. After a while sobbing, Renjun's mother raised her face, took off her grip to wipe her dripping tears.

 

“At least now, he’s relieved from his pain…”

 

Jaemin nodded softly.

In fact, There was another thing Jaemin thought at that time. The fact that Renjun also did not have time to answer an important question from Jaemin.

 

_What are some things that will make Renjun happy?_

 

Jaemin will never know the answer.

 

000

 

When Jaemin entered his office, he just remembered that this morning he left a cup of coffee on his desk. Obviously the coffee is already cold and it might taste bad. He looked at a cup of new and warm coffee in his grasp - then snorted softly.

 

"Don’t drink old coffee Na, it’s bad.” said Jeno, his co-worker, who suddenly passed while carrying a stack of documents in his hand. "Just throw it away."

 

"How do you know?" Jaemin asked curiously. "If I think of just taking an old coffee?"

 

"Because of your habits. Never have the heart to eat or drink. Even if it's for health's sake it's okay to throw away bad food or drinks. ” Jeno put the document he was carrying on the table. "No wonder Doctor Johnny often says you sometimes don't look like a medical person!"

 

“I’m sorry for your lost by the way,”

 

Jaemin looked down, staring at the black coffee. “Yeah,”

 

“You liked him that much, didn’t you?”

 

Jaemin laughed blandly. He gulped coffee slowly from the cup in his hand.

 

“Maybe… Maybe I did.”

 

Jeno gave him a pat on his shoulder and a small smile before walked off outside.

 

The coffee in Jaemin's cup was finished empty. He took a cup of cold coffee on the table to remove the contents in the sink. Two paper cups ended up in the trash. Jaemin stepped out of the room. There is still something he needs to do.

 

 

000


End file.
